Regifted Read online

  16

  Desmond

  I listened to the ring of the phone on the other end of my call. I didn’t know whether I’d get an answer or not. It was 11:30 p.m., and I knew cell service might not be available out on the open seas.

  At the moment that I decided to give up and go to bed, the ringing stopped, and a drowsy voice answered. “Hello, Desmond? Is that you?”

  “Jerry! Wake up! I’m sorry for calling so late, and I’m in debt to you forever, but you have to wake up! Tell Alan I’m okay, but you need to talk to me. You know that I wouldn’t call at a time like this unless it’s important.”

  “Oh my God, Desmond. He’s lying in bed naked next to me. You saw the photo. Think about that. Naked. The man in the photo. Naked. There are hotlines for you to call this late at night. Please let me go back to sleep.” I heard another voice mumbling in the background. “Shit, now you woke Alan up, too.”

  I was desperate. I said, “Please, Jerry. Forgive me for this, but I have to talk. You know me. I’ll owe you something huge when you get home. I’ll buy three fancy dinners for you and Alan when you convince him to move here. Tell him it’s urgent. I’m your best friend.”

  “Okay, one minute. Yeah, you’d do it for me. I’m getting out of bed.”

  I paced impatiently back and forth in front of my living room windows. I knew that calling Jerry late at night while he was in bed with a man that looked like a magazine model was rude, but I needed his help. He knew me better than anyone else on the face of the earth even if he occasionally had concentration problems.

  I desperately needed a sanity check. I didn’t understand how I stumbled into my predicament, and I needed to figure out how to claw my way out. I knew that I couldn’t make the best decisions on my own.

  Jerry’s voice drifted through the phone line again. “I think this is worth at least five dinners. My first comment is that you should put the weapon down or flush the pills down the toilet. Don’t do it, Desmond. You’re a good man, and the symphony can’t afford to lose its principal viola. It will look a lot better in the morning. It always does. There, I’ve given my pep talk. Now, can I go back to sleep?”

  “Oh, holy fuck, Jerry. You know me better than that. I’ve never considered hurting myself, and I’m not going to start now. I’m confused, and I need to make some decisions. I won’t sleep well until I’ve figured it out, and neither will you. Now, you have to concentrate on what I say and not get distracted. Do you hear me?”

  “Okay, yeah, and I’m reminding myself about how you came to my rescue when Agnes turned on me and tried to destroy my reputation on campus. You were my knight in shining armor. I won’t forget that. This must be the long overdue payback.” Before I could respond, the easily distracted Jerry added, “Oh, damn, a guy puking over the railing over there, and you can barely feel the pitch and roll.”

  “Get away from him! Now! You’re talking to me.”

  In a petulant tone, Jerry said, “Okay, fine. Yeah, tell me what this is all about.”

  “Jerry, I’ve got a question.”

  “Couldn’t you wait until I got back home to ask me a question? Oh, wait, that’s right. You already told me that you would ask me something. I’m still waking up. Easily confused, Desmond. Easily confused.”

  “No, it can’t wait.”

  “Okay, fine. Ask me. I think the answer is probably 42.”

  “Jerry, this isn’t the time to be a comedian.”

  I wasn’t entirely sure what question I wanted to ask, but I knew that the only way I could get down to the core of my concerns was to start asking and go from there.

  “Are you still on the line, Desmond?” I heard a tap tap. “You got quiet for a moment. Maybe our connection is bad.”

  “I’m here, Jerry! Calm down!”

  “Does your big beefy guy know how cute you are when you get upset? I bet you’re fiddling with your glasses as we speak.”

  I pulled my free hand down and said, “No. Now listen. Do you think I’m a garden variety nerd, Jerry?”

  Jerry didn’t hesitate with his answer. “Nerd, yes. Garden variety, hardly. You’re a unique little flower.” I heard Jerry snicker.

  “It’s fortunate for you that I can’t throttle you through the phone. So why do you say that? How am I different?”

  “Do I need to count the ways?”

  I sighed. “Play along with me, Jerry. I need to know.”

  “Well, you blow the IQ tests out of the water. You know what a touchdown is, and I once saw you recover from slipping on the ice like a world-class figure skater. I don’t think most nerds can do that. Is there a point to this question?”

  I nodded. I knew Jerry couldn’t see it, so I said, “I’m getting there. Let me keep going. Do you think I’m handsome?”

  “If this is leading to a question about why I never asked you out on a date, I think we’ve covered that territory before. I vowed long ago never to date a man who wore the same style of glasses as me. It might be a quirky rule, but I stick by it. I want to see the line where my lover ends, and I take over.”

  I growled under my voice as I said, “I don’t want to date you, Jerry. I would slowly lose my grip on my sanity if I had to spend twenty-four hours a day with you. It’s nothing personal. I mean that in the sweetest way possible because you are my best friend.”

  “Then why do you care if I think you’re handsome? You are, but maybe that’s beside the point.”

  I felt the volcano of emotions churn inside me. I had to let off some of the steam. “Because the two most desirable men in this whole damned city both want to date me! It’s crazy, Jerry, and I don’t know what to do! I feel like a man who concocted a crazy wish, whispered it into Santa’s ear, and it came true two times over. Maybe I’m part of some hidden camera TV series. Maybe they’re stalking me so everybody can have a huge laugh at my expense later.” I spun on my heel looking for hidden cameras just in case.

  “Please tell me you haven’t torn into your apartment walls yet looking for electronic bugs.”

  I laughed out loud. “You know me better than that, too.”

  “I’m confused, Desmond. I think I know about one of the guys. It’s the muscle man, right? Who’s the second? It’s not that creepy janitor who peeks into the coffee shop just to ogle you, is it? He doesn’t count as desirable.”

  “Oh, holy fuck. I’d forgotten about him. Now, I’ll have another nightmare when I finally do fall asleep.”

  “It will be the first installment payment on the debt you owe me now.”

  “The second guy is Sal Whetstone.”

  The other end of the call went silent for a moment. I was ready to start tapping the phone myself when Jerry said, “Now I think you’re delusional. Are you talking about the millionaire? He’s the sausage guy, right? Did you ever concentrate on the way that he fondles his sausage in the commercial?”

  “That’s not helping, and yeah, I’m serious about it. He called me and asked me out. He said that it was a mistake to bid on Vincent. He said I made him nervous, and he did that as a safe thing. According to Sal, he’s finally decided to go after the man that he really wants, and that’s me.”

  Jerry paused for a few seconds again. “Do you want my honest opinion?”

  “I think that’s why I called.”

  “He’s sleazy. Stay far, far away. ”

  I stood at the window and looked out. The street light was a beacon in the darkness. My neighborhood was quiet. “Which one?”

  “Which do you think?”

  “It can’t be Vincent. He’s an adorable and sweet teddy bear surrounded by mounds of muscle. He wants to have me meet Santa Claus in the morning in a sea of yummy cookies and cakes. That’s nowhere close to sleazy.”

  I heard a voice in the background over the phone, but I couldn’t make out the words. “There’s your answer. You didn’t need me to figure that out. Did you really need to place this call? Listen to your gut…oh, shit…” Jerry’s voice faded into a giggle.

>   I guessed at the other voice. “Alan, is that you?”

  A wildly sexy voice answered. “Yes, it’s Alan, and he’s a slimeball.”

  “Who?”

  “Sal.”

  Alan’s answer confused me. “How do you know?”

  “I dated him.”

  “You did?”

  “Yes, and he bitched at me when I left a muddy footprint on the bedroom carpet. The snow was melting in some spots, and I had to traipse through a puddle on the way to his front door. Then he kicked me out into a snowdrift without even having the decency to call for a ride.”

  17

  Vincent

  I arrived early at Dot’s bakery to provide some much-needed brawn to help finish setting up for the bakery’s open house. Maeve asked, “Does this mean I get to boss you around for once?”

  I narrowed my eyes and asked, “Is this your bakery? I think I’m taking orders from this other lovely woman over here.” I pointed in Dot’s direction.

  Dot smiled back at me. “I think I should have you around more often. Sometimes Maeve gets a little out of hand.”

  I laughed out loud. “Does the legendary attorney need her wings clipped on occasion?”

  “Only once in a while. She’s mostly a good girl. I keep her on a short leash.”

  The gorgeous collection of baked goods was stunning. “When did you get all of these baked? It would take me weeks to do something like this. That’s assuming I knew how to bake, and I don’t.”

  Dot said, “I got here at 1:00 a.m., and Maeve appeared at 3:00. The dog thinks we’re ridiculous. He sat by the kitchen door hanging his head when I left. We don’t open until 8:30. I have to admit that I had help from some other friends in the local baking community, too. They offered me a corner of their kitchens to work overtime for the event.”

  In addition to the standard counter displays, Dot wanted small tables set up along the far wall filled with breads, cookies, small cakes, and macarons. I said, “I’m amazed that the two of you don’t weight five hundred pounds each. All of this has to be incredibly tempting.”

  Dot said, “You learn to taste instead of eat.”

  Maeve added, “And you learn to put it in the refrigerator if you take it home. That way the aroma doesn’t drift all the way through the house.”

  I picked up each of the tables and set them down according to Dot’s instructions. The first arrangement wasn’t satisfactory. I moved them again, and she tapped a finger against her lower lip. “It’s close, but it’s not quite there. Why don’t you try this instead?”

  The third time worked. Maeve asked, “Where does moving tables count in the workout plan?”

  “I can swap it out for one set of crunches.”

  “How about lifting boxes of baked goods?”

  “Is that your job?”

  Maeve said, “Yes. A van and an SUV are sitting out in the parking lot stuffed full of yumminess. Come help me unload them. It will be a quick job if the two of us pitch in.”

  “You do like to give orders.”

  Before we could leave the building by the back door, we heard a loud, jolly “Ho! Ho! Ho!”

  I looked at Maeve and said, “It sounds like the guest of honor is here. I still love Santa. Some days I think I still believe in him. Can I give him a hug before I help with the baked stuff? I have something to ask him, too.”

  “Sure, of course. I’ll come with you. Are you asking him to give you Desmond wrapped up under your Christmas tree?”

  I chuckled softly. “You know me too well.”

  Dot’s Santa Claus was a perfect fit for the role. He had a large round belly and rosy cheeks. The fluffy white beard trailed partway down his chest, and he wore white gloves that gripped his midsection when he laughed.

  Santa greeted Maeve and me with another loud “Ho! Ho! Ho!” He followed up with, “Merry Christmas to everyone!”

  Something about the way he said the last word triggered my memory. I glanced at Maeve and said, “I know him!”

  I stepped forward and reached out to Santa’s beard gently tugging it downward. “Steven! It is you. Wow! How long has it been?”

  “Wow, Vincent! I thought it was you, but I wasn’t sure. Yeah, I think it’s been at least seven years. I got back to town two months ago. I thought about looking you up, but then I assumed it was best to let the past lie. We went our separate ways long ago.”

  I was so excited by the reunion with Steven that I barely heard Maeve when she said, “I’ll start carrying the baked goods inside while the two of you get reacquainted. Please don’t take long. We’ve got work to do.”

  Santa found a chair and patted his lap. “Come and sit, Vincent. Tell Santa what you’ve been up to. Maybe you have a special wish for Christmas. I’ll see if I can help.”

  When Steven said goodbye years ago, I had every reason to think that I’d never see him again. Our dating was hot and heavy, but we both knew that it was far too early for either of us to commit to anything long-term. He received a job offer halfway across the country. He said, “I’ll help you find something if you want to come with me.”

  I’d just opened my business, and I wasn’t ready to shut it down and reopen where I didn’t know anyone. I knew that I could build a sustainable clientele by staying put. We had one last torrid night together, and then we shared tearful goodbyes. It was too painful to try to keep in touch.

  Steven’s body was tall and thin somewhere under the costume, but he applied the padding beneath the Santa suit like an expert. I sat on his lap and wrapped my arms around his neck. Leaning in close, I whispered, “You smell good. Santa shaved this morning.”

  Steven chuckled softly. “And you’re still so fucking handsome. It’s a good thing that all this padding is hiding what’s going on in my lap.”

  Maeve reappeared carrying five white bakery boxes. Her face was barely visible above the stack. She set them on the counter and stared at me. Her disapproval was obvious. “Didn’t you mention that Desmond was coming this morning?”

  I held a finger to my lips. “I think I need to explain something, Maeve. First, meet Steven. He is one fine Santa Claus. Yes, Desmond is on his way, but he probably won’t be here for another half an hour. It’s okay. We’re only talking.”

  Internally, my gut tied itself in knots. The intensity of my attraction to Steven after all of the years stunned me. I tried to think about Desmond, but Steven was like one of those super-powerful magnets that evil villains use to lure superheroes to their doom.

  Maeve said, “Vincent, I think maybe we should have a short conversation in private before you get any better acquainted with Santa’s…assets.”

  I didn’t get the chance to respond. We heard a voice in the rear of the bakery. “Dot! We’ve only met once or twice, but give me a hug. This event is spectacular. I’m likely to walk out of here ten pounds heavier this morning. That’s a compliment.”

  I whispered, “Desmond!” I hopped off Steven’s lap. I saw the confusion in his eyes.

  Tossing the deep-throated Santa voice aside, Steven asked, “Do you have a boyfriend?”

  I nodded and bit my lip. Desmond appeared wearing a classic ugly Christmas sweater and looked from one person to the next. He said, “You all look like you’ve seen ghosts. Were you making slanderous comments about me? What’s going on? Or did the real Santa and his reindeer stop by? I’ve seen things like that on TV Christmas specials.”

  Maeve broke the silence first. She offered Desmond a huge hug and immediately executed a strategy to take control of the situation. “I’m so glad to see you! Congratulations on the dates with Vincent. I know that he’s so happy. He had a bounce in his step when I first laid eyes on him this morning.”

  I glanced back at Steven as Santa, and a smile lit up my face when he offered a discreet thumbs up. I rushed to Desmond and pushed Maeve out of the way. Underlined by an uproarious laugh, I said, “He’s my man. Stop muscling your way into the picture.”

  “Oh, I would never do that. I’v
e got that gorgeous woman who operates this establishment. You have nothing to worry about.”

  I hugged Desmond so hard that I lifted him off his feet. I let him go when I noticed he was struggling to breathe.

  Desmond mumbled, “Fuck, it’s like an iron vise. That will wake a guy up in the morning.”

  Dot appeared and said, “I’ve got a suggestion. You’ve all done such great work so far that I feel like we’re running a little ahead. Let’s grab cups of coffee and relax for a few minutes. I brought one special box for all of Santa’s helpers.”

  We eagerly dug into donuts, cupcakes, and decorated sugar cookies. I introduced Desmond to Santa and said, “The man underneath is named Steven. He’s an old friend, but he moved away long ago. This was such a lucky coincidence. I didn’t know that he was back in town.”

  Steven shook hands with Desmond and whispered into his ear, but he made sure his voice was loud enough for all of us to hear. “You have one of the finest men I’ve ever known. Make sure you take good care of him, or else.”

  “Else what, Santa?”

  “Oh, I think you know what else. I’ll place the name Desmond on the naughty list for eternity.”

  Maeve said, “Yikes! Santa doesn’t pull punches. That’s harsh.”

  Dot said, “I hate to break up this fine party, but we need to get back to work. My employees will be here any minute, and half an hour after that, the customers will follow. It will be crazy in here particularly during the first couple of hours. Are you ready for this Santa?”

  Steven gripped his ample, overstuffed belly and shouted, “Ho! Ho! Ho!”

  18

  Desmond

  As Dot herded her helpers into the back room of the bakery, I tugged on Vincent’s elbow and encouraged him to hold back. As he turned to face me, I said, “I’ve got something to share that you probably won’t believe, but it’s the honest truth.”

  “Why wouldn’t I believe it?”

  “Okay, I’ll tell my story, and you can decide for yourself.”